With Valentines day fast approaching, many men are wondering what to buy their partner to show their true love.
The shops are full of loads of tat ranging from 'I love you' balloons to penis moulds for the nights you are away, shocking!
I have decided that you don't need to waste money on the things your partner wont want or will collect dust until she thinks you wont mind if it's thrown away. Here are a few ideas I have come up with to show your true love.
Valentines day falls on Monday this year, therefore it might be wise to wait until the evening to share presents, just to give you more time to buy them on the way home.
This can start with a bunch of flowers (freshly bought from the garage) and a romantic kiss when you get home from work. If you have taken the day off or don't work, this can happen at about 11.00am when you wake up ready for the Jeremy Kyle show.
It's traditional that you buy over priced Carnations, as roses are too expensive, and a bottle of Asti to go with your romantic meal of a large mans steak.
Make sure you dress for the occasion. This means wearing your best pants and removing your winter vest from beneath your unironed shirt. A comedy tie from your work Secret Santa also goes down well.
If you have a child, you are lucky enough to spend yet another evening at home. Make it special by eating in front of Eastenders and continue to sit on the sofa until you are too tired to move or even consider anything romantic.
Leave the dishes until the morning as the fat from the steak always creates a beautiful aroma after a night of maturing and it's always nice to get a whiff of last nights booze.
Keep your valentines card on the window sill until it bends and keels over with age (If unsure, the card should have turned brown in colour)
Take time to reflect your valentines experience and promise yourself, once again, that next year you will make more of an effort, or is this just me?
Happy Valentines X